Dear Jen

Dear future Jen,

You have aged tremendously in the past years. Your progress has been impressive, though. Apart from the binge eating and cravings, the usual craziness that goes along with PMS, the highs and the lows of workloads and the day to day routines that make life more exciting, I’d say your pretty alright to me. I’d say congratulations but I am sure that you’d frown upon my laudatory remarks.  The fine lines and wrinkles in your forehead serves as a memento that you have, after all, learned to toughen things it up. 

A lot of things happened in the last two years. The last two years was one of the defining moments of your life. You are no stranger to struggles and heartbreaks except 2012 proved to be the toughest year yet. It was one of the worst heartbreak that you had to go through. Clearly, heart break is an understatement. You were devastated, thwarted, torn and left incapacitated. 

You never expected that your father’s passing away would have left you so broken and so lost. It left you cautious and in so doing, created an invisible bubble. Until now, I can still see that you are picking up the pieces, still finding your way out from the black hole. 

You still are in distraught and inconsolable. Admit it, there is still a tinge of denial in your eyes.  I tell you, I will never go easy on you. Nevertheless, consider this as unsolicited advice; your heart will continue to bleed in the coming days, weeks, months and years.  Over the years (even after his passing away), it will still hurt a bit (and a bit means a lot!). It is reasonable that you cry, that you sob in the secret corner of your room and perhaps, you will even feel that your future with your doting father has been robbed off from you. It is the COLD TRUTH and there’s no getting over it. You just have to let it go. 

Here’s the surprising part,though. You will be astounded on how your inner strength has carried you over the days. Your spirit to thrive will come a long way and with the support of generous people surrounding you, you will definitely come through and rise above it all. 

Baby steps and that is all that you need. Nobody is asking you to stop grieving over your loss. Take things one step at a time and may I ask that you be kind to yourself. Go easy on yourself! You deserve that. You deserve to live a life that is full even if it means that temporarily your beloved Father has to embark on a journey without you. Learn to let go but never let go of the memories and the precious time you both have shared.

With much love,

The Older version of Jen