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it's good to be here. it's good to feel the burst and zest of living! it feels like i am in total bliss!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Grayish Grin: Episode 1 - Letting go is always heart breaking but…

If there’s one thing that I abhor the most in this world, that would be saying goodbye. It has always been hard for me to let go of something or someone that I have grown to love. Just the thought that I am letting go of something that has been a part of me makes me feel awful. Being separated from somebody that you always long for or leaving someone behind that you ache to be with or perhaps losing something that is irreplaceable or just saying adieu to something/someone that is no longer a part of your life is never the easiest thing to do. In fact, it takes a lot of courage and will power.

I always have a hard time saying goodbye and it sucks to know that I am a coward when it comes to what I call the “Blurry Exodus Moments aka BEM” of my life. In evading possible BEM drama, I have little by little learned to master a new skill that I call “The Shield”. I learned to develop pseudo-immunity against possible exits in my life. If I feel that things are not that great, I slowly detach myself. I keep things to myself and I lock myself up – meaning I try to put some distance and I spend a lot of time just enjoying / doing things on my own. I engage in new activities that would keep me preoccupied. I try to keep myself busy and try to expose myself with a whole new things. As others put it, I become a total stranger to them but they are clueless on how hard I try not to let my emotions get in the way. The bitter truth is I am hurting too but it’s the best way that I can think of as to make the pain of losing bearable.. tolerable… less painful. A not so subtle and graceful exit…

One thing that I always try to keep in mind is that better days are yet to come and think that Changes will most likely give me some amusing and unimaginable twists and turns. There is always a beginning and an end, so no matter how hard I try to escape the feeling of being lost, lonely and disillusioned, I will soon get tired of running from them thus it’s best to deal with it and learn from the experience.

There will always be good days and bad days. It just takes a little getting use to and sooner or later I'll be back on my feet again... maybe not as good as new but better than ever. It is heartbreaking and unbearable at first but the hurt and pain gets better as the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years pass me by. Eventually, I learn to deal with the pain and you slowly pick up the pieces and start living the best I can with God's grace and the people around me. Dusting off the dust is something that needs to be done and learning to trust that things will be better in time is the key to letting go.

Needless to say, letting go of something / someone makes me a bit wiser and stronger. It makes me see that I am capable of doing things that are inconceivable to bear, that I am made to last a lifetime and I am not too weak as I thought to be. I become resilient yet hopeful. I’ve learned that human relations are as much as complex as the years go by but gets better and better when you learn to compromise and accept and let go. The things that I have missed will eventually find its way back to me somehow, someday!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

When we were younger..

My elementary school days will always be a good memory to me. It was something that i could probably say one of the best years of my life. I found life-long friends, made something out of myself and was a good student. I had fun learning in school and just simply enjoyed all the opportunities that were given to me. I found GSP campings, School Intramurals, Nutritrion Months, United Nation Months, December Christmas Parties, DACCS competition and all other activities inside / outside the school so exhilirating.. so exciting!

I found happiness in wearing our white gala uniform every first friday mass and other religious activities. I found contentment in attending religious rites . I found all school activities exciting and more than that, i loved being around people who inspire me to be better. School has made me better. It made me want to look at life differently. It made me a better individual who thinks not only of herself but someone who is sensitive to the needs of others. School is absolutely cool!

I always look forward to spending some kulitan and chikahan moments with you guys (Grace, Chik, Gette and our old fwends Felycette, Maity and Paulette) Hope we can catch up soon!
So here's to my Happy Elementary days and to life-long friends!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Twilight Updates

I have been really crazy about Twilight these days. I have finished all four books of Meyer in less than 10 days. I was sleep deprived but i was addicted to it, so to speak! I just loved reading all four books (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn). I religiously check youtube for for movie clips and pics of the movie and constantly browsing the website of Stephenie Meyer for updates. I love Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinsen who plays Bella & Edward in the movie. It was even better than what i had imagined them to be...
Right now, im reading book one (Twilight) all over again..

The movie is set to be released on the big screen this November which makes me happier.
Hoooraaaaay! Stephenie Meyer's actually making a book called Midnight Sun and too bad only a chapter has been published in her site. Midnight Sun is more like Twilight but this is now on Edward's POVs. It will take a bit long for this book to complete though...I hope that she finishes it soon. Please, Please!

I know I have crazy months ahead of me, atleast I've got the movie plus the books to keep me excited and to keep me sane...